Fostering a Healthy Body Image in Your Pre-Teen and Teen: (Part II):
Dealing with "Fat Phobia" -- Weight Concerns and Human Development

To raise children who are free from weight problems, or to help children who actually are overweight, parents need to focus on two objectives -- neither of which involves dieting. The first is to counter the toxic effects of the “culture of thinness” by teaching their children (whether they have weight issues or not) to have realistic ideas about their own bodies, and to offer knowledge and reassurance about human development. The second is to create lifestyle changes that foster a relaxed relationship with food, free of bingeing, restricting, and emotional eating. 

The most important step in this process is to immunize your child against unhealthy cultural messages. For instance, share stories about models and actors with eating disorders so your child will understand the ugly truth behind the size-zero fairytale. Also, keep an eye out for good role models -- for instance, many of the contestants on American Idol -- who aren’t unnaturally slender and who have confidence in their own beauty. In addition, see if you can steer your child toward programming where he’ll see real-life people in all shapes and sizes who lead successful and interesting lives.

The next step is to address your own fears and misconceptions about weight -- both your own weight and your child’s. Start by examining your own relationship with food and your body. A child who grows up hearing, “Ugh, I look disgusting in this dress -- I can’t go to the party” or “I hate myself for eating that cake!” learns to think of food as an enemy and his or her own body as an object of shame or disgust. A child who grows up watching a parent’s unsuccessful diets and witnessing the resulting anxiety over weight gain will feel a lack of control over her own eating and weight. Avoid these issues by expressing positive thoughts about your own body and about your relationship with food -- and, even more important, by avoiding fad dieting -- and you’ll pass healthy attitudes on to your child.

Also, examine how you feel about your child’s size and weight. This is especially important if you have a strong case of “fat phobia” yourself, or if your child is larger than you (particularly if you have a daughter). Often, today’s children are taller and heavier than their parents.  If you have a mental picture of your child as a “little you,” it’s important to realize that it’s just fine if she’s  3 inches taller or 20 pounds heavier than you by the time she’s a teen. Also, if you’ve battled weight issues all of your life, it’s important not to start your child on the same path by panicking when she gains a few pounds in puberty. Expecting a child to be a size 6 like you when her body’s blueprint dictates otherwise is a prescription for eating disorders.

It’s also crucial to be aware of the normal pattern of weight and height gain in children as they near or pass the turning point of puberty. Here are some guidelines, although children’s weight and height will vary according to their genes and environment:

• In girls, puberty-related weight gain generally appears first as a layer of fat all over the body and then gradually appears more around the breasts, thighs, and hips. Thus, some girls will appear “fat” for a time before their curves appear. Others, however, will develop a curvaceous body well before their peers -- and still others will remain very thin and un-curvy. Girls in any of these groups need assurance that they are perfectly normal. Boys, too, may go through a “baby fat” stage before growing into their weight gain, and need to know that this is healthy and normal.

• Boys tend to be shorter than girls until they reach puberty. At that stage, both girls and boys often “shoot up.” This means that your child may be much shorter or taller than her classmates, and she needs to know that this is normal. It’s also normal for a child’s feet or arms to grow quickly (hence the cliché about “gangly teens). Boys may also develop a temporary swelling of the breast, and need reassurance that this is normal.

Children proceed through puberty in different ways according to their own genetic blueprint.  Know and understand what they are and help children recognize and prepare for this.